Crazy like Gnarls and the Rorschach
I am back in the saddle now and ready to rumble. It took a while to get back to this mental state but I think I need to be here and remain here as much as possible over the next few months. It's scary and nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time. Things are so unpredictable; I know I am being idealistic about so much of this process and I keep reminding myself to be open to change and challenge.
Speaking of change, I think I may be driving myself crazy with all that I intend to do in such a short amount of time in Tanzania. Mostly it's hard because I need to desperately depend on a research assistant and without a good assistant, the whole thing could easily fall apart. I am optimistic normally, but trying to be realistic and account for the fact that maybe I won't find a good assistant; maybe they'll be flaky or do things the Tanzanian way (which I could learn a thing or two about...and stop trying to be such an over-achiever - but that's obviously a different and longer story for another time). I need to remember that it is natural for me to do things the American way (set deadlines and work towards them; hold other accountable for work) but that way doesn't translate always 100% in Tanzania. How disciplined can I be without turning people off? Can I expect everyone to be on time for all the interviews without turning them off or losing a little bit of trust? Can I be that flexible? Can I let some children fall away? Ideally I'd like everything to be clockwork but when it comes to things in Tanzania, people are often on their own schedules...ones that don't always coincide with mine.
Right now I have 5 TAT assessments planned each day, and 5 Survey and Sentence Completions planned for the 5 kids who did the TATs the day before. Is that crazy? Maybe I'm crazy. I think I'm crazy.
It sounded good at first. I think that's what I'm going to hear myself saying in January. So I'm trying to moderate a bit, take into account that field work always always always changes and seems to have a mind of its own. I am also trying to be okay with the fact that I might have to go away again in the Spring if it's not all done by December.
And that's a whole different issue, once again. This means time away from the boy. Time away from school. Time away from friends and Cambridge and Boston. Time away from the things I love...but more time with different things I love. It's all about change, choice, and tradeoff.
Mr. Desbrisay in high school (biology teacher and running coach) always said that when in doubt the answer is either pH or temperature. Not in this case, my friends. It's all about choice and change. Life's little lessons.
Speaking of change, I think I may be driving myself crazy with all that I intend to do in such a short amount of time in Tanzania. Mostly it's hard because I need to desperately depend on a research assistant and without a good assistant, the whole thing could easily fall apart. I am optimistic normally, but trying to be realistic and account for the fact that maybe I won't find a good assistant; maybe they'll be flaky or do things the Tanzanian way (which I could learn a thing or two about...and stop trying to be such an over-achiever - but that's obviously a different and longer story for another time). I need to remember that it is natural for me to do things the American way (set deadlines and work towards them; hold other accountable for work) but that way doesn't translate always 100% in Tanzania. How disciplined can I be without turning people off? Can I expect everyone to be on time for all the interviews without turning them off or losing a little bit of trust? Can I be that flexible? Can I let some children fall away? Ideally I'd like everything to be clockwork but when it comes to things in Tanzania, people are often on their own schedules...ones that don't always coincide with mine.
Right now I have 5 TAT assessments planned each day, and 5 Survey and Sentence Completions planned for the 5 kids who did the TATs the day before. Is that crazy? Maybe I'm crazy. I think I'm crazy.
It sounded good at first. I think that's what I'm going to hear myself saying in January. So I'm trying to moderate a bit, take into account that field work always always always changes and seems to have a mind of its own. I am also trying to be okay with the fact that I might have to go away again in the Spring if it's not all done by December.
And that's a whole different issue, once again. This means time away from the boy. Time away from school. Time away from friends and Cambridge and Boston. Time away from the things I love...but more time with different things I love. It's all about change, choice, and tradeoff.
Mr. Desbrisay in high school (biology teacher and running coach) always said that when in doubt the answer is either pH or temperature. Not in this case, my friends. It's all about choice and change. Life's little lessons.
posted by Priya @ 1:04 PM
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